JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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