Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
