dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
