Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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