she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
