He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
