Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
