So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
