someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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