I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
