We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
whose parrot is this?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
