plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
