Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
