We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
