JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
