best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
