I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
