direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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