Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
