I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
