i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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