i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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