Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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