Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
