This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
