I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
