So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
