I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
