I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
