Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
