it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
