either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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