you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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