i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
