im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
