You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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