Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
