We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
