glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
