Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
