My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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