I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
