I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
