I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
