like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My vagina is very pro this idea
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
