I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Randomize
