Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
