Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Where is the hickey?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
