Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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