They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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