Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
