So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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